There has been a slight improvement in former Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's condition, Channel 10 reported on Thursday night. Sharon remained comatose and the hospital refused to comment regarding his condition. He has been unconscious since suffering a massive stroke in January 2006. He is hospitalized in the long-term section of Sheba Medical Center, just outside Tel Aviv.

Scene: Tel-Hashomer Hospital, rainy evening

One unfortunate orderly, Shmil, has gotten stuck with the night shift in the room of former Prime Minister Ariel Sharon... Shmil is sitting and peeling an apple, while D, the Secret Service guard, is softly snoring in the corner. Suddenly all the instruments in the room start beeping, the lights start blinking, the straight lines start wiggling, and Prime Minister wakes up.

"Haven’t had such a good sleep in a long time" he says "Young man, get me Adler right away, I have some new ideas how to proceed"

"Good morning, Sir" answers Shmil "How are you feeling?"

The Prime Minister looks around "Starving, and where am I?"

The Secret Service guard continues to snore, while Shmil explains to Arik what had happened to him.

"So you got screwed babysitting the Prime Minister tonight, eh?"

"I am sorry Sir, but you are no longer the Prime Minister"

Arik thinks for a moment and asks. "So who replaced me?"

"Ehud Olmert"

"Olmert? That potz from Jerusalem? What the hell does he know? What will happen if a war breaks out? He has no clue how to lead an army! What luck that Shaul is there to handle problems"

Shmil tells Ariel: "Shaul Mofaz is now Minister of Transportation"

"So who is the Minister of Defense?"

"Peretz" says Shmil

"That old man is still around?" asks the Prime Minister

"Not Peres, Amir Peretz" whispers Shmil

"What? I close my eyes for a couple of minutes and you allow a labor union hack to take over the security of the State? Does he think that his dirty dealings in Dimona qualified him to become a Defense Minister? Listen son, get Omri here, he will straighten this up."

"Sorry Sir, Omri is on his way to jail"

"Jail?" roars Ariel "He got busted over that stupid little affair? I can’t believe this. We need a lawyer and fast. Wake up Klagsbald."

Shmil glances away visibly embarrassed "Dori Klagsbald is with Omri"

Arik calms down a little. "I knew I could count on Klagsbald"

Shmil clarifies the misunderstanding: "Klagsbald is also on his way to jail. He was a bit distracted, got involved in an accident, and killed a young woman and her toddler son. He got nailed for criminal negligence"

"Then bring Itzhaki. Avigdor always knew how to finesse our way out a mess"

"Sir, Itzhaki is accused of illegal financial dealings. He finessed once too often"

"Bullshit. I know Avigdor, those are false accusations. Call the Police Commissioner"

"Sorry Sir, Moshe Karadi is tied up in an investigation"

"He is a police chief; he's always investigating something. Tell him to postpone it"

"No Sir, this time he is being investigated... [over] those alleged cop-gangland ties"

Ariel takes a deep breath. "This can’t be happening. Our judicial system is out of control. We have to get both of them out of this jam. Get hold of the Minister of Internal Security. It's Tzachi, right?"

"Sir, Tzahi Hanegbi was indicted on several counts of fraud, bribery and perjury. He is no longer the Minister of Internal Security."

"So what about the Minister of Justice? Who did Olmert appoint?

"He appointed Haim Ramon"

"Then get him now!"

"Sorry Sir, Ramon had been indicted on suspicion of indecent assault against a governmental office employee."

"What the hell? Nevermind. Let’s go right to the top. Call Katzav. He's still the President, right?

"Unfortunately Sir, President Moshe Katzav is somewhat incapacitated right now"

"Incapacitated? Is he sick?"

"No Sir. He's being investigated for the rape of five women, sexual harassment, breach of trust, fraud, and involvement in illegal wiretapping"

"That's Katzav. I always knew he was standing way too close to women when he talked to them... I need the Chief of Staff, Ya’alon... no, Boogie is gone. Had to get rid of him. Too unreliable. Find Halutz. He's still around, right?

"He has an issue with a stock sale, but it might not be illegal. His main problem is that he will soon be called in front of State Inquiry Commission, chaired by a justice, to testify about the bungled handling of the war in Lebanon "

"But during the war he was just a kid, no more than a Piper pilot"

"The second war in Lebanon, Sir. You were asleep, remember? There was a war, and we... kind of didn't do so well. But Prime Minister asked us to be patient. Perhaps we still can claim victory"

Arik looked around, He saw the green room he was lying in, glanced at the snoring D, the Secret Service guard, and at the drooping bunch of flowers in the little vase next to his bed, and then looked back at Shmil.

"Tell me, what’s your name?"

"Shmil, Sir"

"And what's your job here?"

"I am an orderly, Sir"

"Orderly, huh? Good. Do me a favor. Don’t tell anyone about the conversation we had here."

"You can count on me, Sir"

"I'm going back to sleep. Shana Tova"

"Shana Tova to you too, Sir"

"And I am really, really, terribly sorry about all this.

"We forgive you, Sir"