Israeli Political Roundup - Labor Voters are Total Fucking Idiots Edition
Seriously?
In an unexpected result, Histadrut labor federation Chairman Amir Peretz was Thursday morning named the new chairman of the Labor Party, defeating the incumbent and favorite, Vice Premier Shimon Peres. The pre-dawn announcement followed a tightly-run race between the two opponents, which initially showed a slight lead for Peres.
Retarded ferrets injected with heroine and randomly tossed at levers could have made a better decision than Labor voters did last night. Ditto for blind chimps raised on a steady diet of lead chips and paint, and guided into the voting booth only by their sense of smell. And yes, we'll say it: Likud MKs - a group of people who collectively have the political instincts of dried fruit - Likud MKs could have made a better decision than Labor voters did last night.
It's like the entire Labor party drank too much and then made a horrible mistake. Some time this morning, they're going to wake up with a vicious hangover, roll over in bed, and there - snoring loudly and drooling on the pillow - will be Labor Chairman Amir Peretz. And then they'll ask themselves the following three questions, in this exact order:
(1) How could we have been so stupid?
(2) Didn't we promise ourselves after Mitzna to never to go him with a far-Left lunatic again?
(3) Is there a way we can make this guy leave quickly, or is he going to stay in the apartment and expect breakfast?
What a bunch of idiots.
Not to worry - Labor Chairman Amir Peretz has the following three things going for him:
(1) Excellent public relations skills - The last time he went toe to toe with Benjamin Netanyahu he actually managed to lose the public relations battle. Keep in mind that Netanyahu is about 20% less popular than Prime Minister Sharon, the man Peretz has to beat.
(2) Broad mainstream support - Ha'aretz - the worker's newspaper - flatly declared that Peretz's selection would destroy the Labor party's chance for a comeback.
(3) A sound policy outlook - He's a socialist who will reverse Netanyahu's economic reforms and crash the Israeli economy.
Here's what's going to happen: today, Peretz will take Labor out of the government. This will immediately give Sharon the excuse he's been looking for all week to call new elections - except now, instead of rebels in Sharon's own Likud party being accused of destabilizing the government during wartime, blame will be assigned to... (wait for it)... (yes)... the Labor party! Sharon will proceed to methodically humiliate Peretz and dismantle the Labor party.
The best that Labor can hope for now is that Sharon will stay in the Likud - that way, Peres might stay in Labor to pick up whatever pieces are left over after the election. If Labor is really unlucky, Sharon will make good on his recent threats to form a new Centrist party: a party which might well include a thoroughly disillusioned Shimon Peres. And then no one will be left behind to reconstruct the party after Sharon administers what is sure to be an unprecedented electoral defeat. Write this down: if Peres leaves Labor to join Sharon in a Centrist party, Labor will get no more than 15 mandates.
Question for Labor voters: can the cheating thugs from Peretz's Histadrut union stuff enough ballot boxes to win a general election?
Answer: no.
In an unexpected result, Histadrut labor federation Chairman Amir Peretz was Thursday morning named the new chairman of the Labor Party, defeating the incumbent and favorite, Vice Premier Shimon Peres. The pre-dawn announcement followed a tightly-run race between the two opponents, which initially showed a slight lead for Peres.
Retarded ferrets injected with heroine and randomly tossed at levers could have made a better decision than Labor voters did last night. Ditto for blind chimps raised on a steady diet of lead chips and paint, and guided into the voting booth only by their sense of smell. And yes, we'll say it: Likud MKs - a group of people who collectively have the political instincts of dried fruit - Likud MKs could have made a better decision than Labor voters did last night.
It's like the entire Labor party drank too much and then made a horrible mistake. Some time this morning, they're going to wake up with a vicious hangover, roll over in bed, and there - snoring loudly and drooling on the pillow - will be Labor Chairman Amir Peretz. And then they'll ask themselves the following three questions, in this exact order:
(1) How could we have been so stupid?
(2) Didn't we promise ourselves after Mitzna to never to go him with a far-Left lunatic again?
(3) Is there a way we can make this guy leave quickly, or is he going to stay in the apartment and expect breakfast?
What a bunch of idiots.
Not to worry - Labor Chairman Amir Peretz has the following three things going for him:
(1) Excellent public relations skills - The last time he went toe to toe with Benjamin Netanyahu he actually managed to lose the public relations battle. Keep in mind that Netanyahu is about 20% less popular than Prime Minister Sharon, the man Peretz has to beat.
(2) Broad mainstream support - Ha'aretz - the worker's newspaper - flatly declared that Peretz's selection would destroy the Labor party's chance for a comeback.
(3) A sound policy outlook - He's a socialist who will reverse Netanyahu's economic reforms and crash the Israeli economy.
Here's what's going to happen: today, Peretz will take Labor out of the government. This will immediately give Sharon the excuse he's been looking for all week to call new elections - except now, instead of rebels in Sharon's own Likud party being accused of destabilizing the government during wartime, blame will be assigned to... (wait for it)... (yes)... the Labor party! Sharon will proceed to methodically humiliate Peretz and dismantle the Labor party.
The best that Labor can hope for now is that Sharon will stay in the Likud - that way, Peres might stay in Labor to pick up whatever pieces are left over after the election. If Labor is really unlucky, Sharon will make good on his recent threats to form a new Centrist party: a party which might well include a thoroughly disillusioned Shimon Peres. And then no one will be left behind to reconstruct the party after Sharon administers what is sure to be an unprecedented electoral defeat. Write this down: if Peres leaves Labor to join Sharon in a Centrist party, Labor will get no more than 15 mandates.
Question for Labor voters: can the cheating thugs from Peretz's Histadrut union stuff enough ballot boxes to win a general election?
Answer: no.
