Update Your @%#@! Virus Definitions

I would have to crunch some numbers to be more certain, but it seems to me that I was able to access information faster online in 1996 (back before the unholy alliance of AOL and Gateway made the online world available to the… achem… general public) even though I was using a 9600bps modem at the time. It troubles me that in this day and age, people who are allowed to vote still think that it’s within the bounds of appropriate human behavior to open random attachments and thus, through nothing but their sheer stupidity, to slow the Internet down to a crawl. I blame this on people like dental receptionists who put little heart shaped post-its on their computer and load them up with screensavers that spit out cheery little inspirational messages like “a wise tree bends with the wind.” You know who you are.